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Why visiting orphanages could do more harm than good. Ethical ways to volunteer and make a lasting impact.
- Shreya Chaturvedi
- Jan 25
- 6 min read
Do you have kids in your family?
Wouldn’t you be alarmed if they were posing with strangers, being over-friendly, or trying excessively to impress them just for social media? While it’s common for children to feel reserved around strangers, kids in orphanages long for connection and love—but are often conditioned to pose and impress visitors.
However, most visitors don’t return. This can lead to feelings of abandonment and attachment issues.
From psychological impacts on children to ethical questions about exploitation, it’s essential to understand the complexities involved before engaging in volunteering. In this blog, we’ll explore these issues and suggest ethical ways to make a real impact.
The Problem with Orphanage/Slums Visits
Children in orphanages and slums are often vulnerable to developing psychological issues due to their circumstances. Here’s why casual visits can exacerbate these problems:
Attachment Disorders:
Children who grow up in orphanages frequently experience disrupted attachments. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), nearly 20% of post-institutionalized children exhibit behaviors consistent with Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder (DSED), where children show inappropriate levels of friendliness toward strangers. This isn’t just a harmless quirk—it’s a survival mechanism born out of the absence of stable, long-term relationships. Imagine a child who forms a bond with a visitor, only to have them leave a few hours later—this cycle of forming and losing attachments can take a heavy toll on their emotional well-being.
Mental Health Challenges:
Growing up in poverty takes a psychological toll. A 2022 study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that children from impoverished areas are three times more likely to develop anxiety and depression compared to their peers.
Studies also show that institutionalized children can exhibit developmental delays, affecting their academic performance and social skills.
Feelings of Abandonment:
The emotional rollercoaster caused by short-term interactions can lead to feelings of abandonment. Many children internalize the idea that people will only stay in their lives temporarily, reinforcing deep-seated insecurities. One orphaned teenager in a UNICEF report shared, “Every time someone left, I felt like I wasn’t worth staying for.”
Feeling Left Out/Reinforcement of Inequalities :
Living in extreme poverty, these children often have low self-esteem from constant comparison with wealthier children, social anxiety or difficulty trusting others due to inconsistent support from outsiders, and learned helplessness—a mindset that they can’t improve their circumstances, leading to a lack of motivation or hope.
Often, visitors celebrate their own birthdays or milestones in slums, bringing gifts and treats for children. While the intent is kind, it highlights the stark divide in privilege, leaving many children wondering why their own birthdays or achievements are rarely celebrated.
Objectification of Children:
Children in orphanages and other NGOs may develop over-friendliness as a way to seek validation. This is not a natural trait but a learned behavior born out of their need for attention and care. In many cases, children are reduced to mere props. Visitors often expect performances or photo opportunities, teaching children that their value lies in their ability to entertain or evoke sympathy. This dehumanization can have long-lasting effects on their self-esteem and sense of identity.
Rise of Orphanage Tourism
In some parts of the world, orphanages have become a part of the tourism industry, creating a disturbing paradox where children’s suffering is commodified for profit.
Profit-Driven Institutionalization:
Research by organizations like Lumos reveals that over 80% of children in orphanages worldwide have at least one living parent. Many families, driven by poverty, are pressured into placing their children in orphanages, believing it will provide better opportunities. However, in countries like Cambodia and Nepal, some orphanages deliberately recruit children to meet the growing demand from tourists.
Emotional Exploitation:
In Cambodia, for instance, tourists are invited to visit orphanages, play with children, and donate money. While this might seem benevolent, it fuels a cycle where children are treated as attractions. A study conducted by UNICEF noted that children in these settings are often coached to “perform” their poverty for visitors, exacerbating their trauma.
Global response:
Recognizing these harms, countries like US, UK, Australia (where primary orphanage tourists come from) have officially classified orphanage tourism as a form of modern slavery, urging citizens to rethink such visits.
Why the Current Approach Falls Short
Many well-meaning individuals visit orphanages or slum schools with the intention of spreading joy and making a difference. While the intent behind visiting orphanages and slums is often noble, the current approach has significant shortcomings.
One-Time Visits Lack Sustainability
One-time visits, while heartwarming in the moment, fail to address the long-term needs of children who are already in vulnerable situations. Without a consistent, sustainable approach that truly centers on the needs of the children, these visits risk doing more harm than good.
For example, a group of college students might spend an afternoon teaching children how to paint, only to leave with no follow-up or continuity. The children are left with fleeting memories but no tangible long-term benefit.
An alternative win-win approach for sustainable volunteering: A better alternative is to be a part of a community/organization that has a long term plan laid out. Volunteers may come and go, do one off visits or lectures, but each visit is aligned with the bigger plan. Each volunteer carries forward from where the last one left. This approach is a win-win for all. Volunteers don't have to make a long-term commitment neither do children have to compromise on their long term growth.
The Alter Ego Community runs initiatives to support education and holistic development of children with projects focused on slum children, girl children, and special schools for Autistic and differently-abled covering academics and awareness, extracurricular and sports, physical and mental health for the kids. Check out our social impact projects.
Focus on Visitors, Not Beneficiaries
These interactions frequently prioritize the visitors' experience—whether it's about feeling good, capturing photos, or sharing the experience online—over the children’s emotional and psychological well-being.
Ethical volunteering or charity isn’t about personal gain or recognition—it’s about giving. It’s about making it about them and not you.
At A Little Love, the parent mission of Alter Ego Community, we’ve implemented a tradition of sponsoring birthday parties for slum and orphanage children. This ensures every child gets their moment to shine and you have a greater celebration. Learn more about The Greater Celebration.
Exploitation of Vulnerable Children
The rise of social media has turned many visits into opportunities for visitors to showcase their “good deeds,” often at the expense of the children’s dignity. A famous quote by Mahatma Gandhi reminds us, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” True service requires selflessness, not self-promotion.
Ethical Ways to Volunteer and Make a Difference
If you’re inspired to contribute, here are a few ideas:
Sponsor a Child’s Celebration: Instead of celebrating your special occasions at an orphanage or slum school, sponsor the children’s birthdays or other milestones.
1. Support Organizations with Long-Term Impact
Partner with organizations that prioritize sustainable development over short-term charity and donor visibility. Make your contribution as part of the bigger scheme and plan. If the organization doesn't have a long term plan, visit them, understand their needs, ask questions and strategize it with them. Long term plan is a must.
Work with organizations that have transparency in the donation and participation process so that you even if your contribution is small, you get to know the real impact that you have created.
2. Volunteer Your Skills
Offer your expertise in a structured and consistent manner. Whether it’s teaching English, providing healthcare services, or mentoring teenagers, skill-based volunteering creates a more lasting impact. Time is the real money.
3. Make it about them
Volunteering or charity is not about personal recognition or social media posts. True giving comes from a place of selflessness, where the focus is entirely on the beneficiaries. By making it about them and not us, we can:
Avoid unintentionally harming the children we aim to help.
Create a culture of empathy and genuine connection.
Foster long-term positive change.
Advocate for Ethical Practices:
Raise awareness about the ethical concerns surrounding orphanage tourism and support regulated programs.
Moving Forward: The Power of Impact over Scale
At Alter Ego Community, we believe in focusing on impact over scale. By working consistently with a few slum schools and orphanages, we build meaningful relationships and ensure every child feels valued and they grow holistically.
Consistency Matters: Regular engagement allows us to understand the children’s needs and tailor activities accordingly.
Community Impact: All our social impact programs are run by community members on the weekends. After each meetup is documented to benefit the volunteers of the next week. People may still come and go, but together, as a community, we drive lasting change for every child.
Conclusion: The way we give matters!
By shifting our focus from short-term gestures to sustainable impact, we can create meaningful change in the lives of children in orphanages and underserved areas. By choosing ethical ways to volunteer and contribute, we can ensure our actions uplift children rather than harm them.
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